It was a dreary, rainy Monday. Here I was, stuck at work, wishing I had the balls to walk up to my boss and say, “Hey, Bossman! 75% of my work is doable from home. There are many idiots around her who pretend to work from home and those who claim that they stay until 9:00 at night sometimes. It would be painfully obvious if MY work wasn’t getting done, so it’d be like a built in work-checker. What you say you let me work from home 2-3 days a week on a trial basis and make it a permanent deal when you see how productive I really can be?
That’s not likely to happen and it has nothing to do with my story. Other than all good stories have a back story and some fluff, don’t they? Yeah, consider that my fluff. The editors can nix it if they like. Back to the point of my story.
So I log on to AcebookFay and decide it’d be a good day to go on an Easter Egg hunt! So, I hide some eggs for a couple of people who I hope won’t disown me for doing so. In return, I get a couple of eggs.
As I’m about to close the page for the really cool chocolate Easter bunny egg that Aaron sent me page and… wait one minute! I have a mid-story story to tell you! I only thought of it because Word puts the little red scribbly under Easter if I don’t capitalize it.
Which made me think of our archaic and very discriminatory system of dates. We use the term “BC” to denote that the year we’re discussing is before the birth of Christ, i.e., Jesus if you will. Why is this unfair? Why because if you’re not a Christian, you don’t subscribe to the idea that he was, indeed Christ. BUT I think a majority of people (yes, even non-Christians) can allow for the fact that there was a dude named Jesus. Are you with me? So, let’s change the BC to PJ (pre-Jesus) so as to continually be more PC around this, and many other, Christian holidays. Fair enough? *wild laughter*
OK, back to my sordid tale. As I am about to close that chocolate Easter Bunny egg page, what do I see? That social networking site that shall remain nameless WANTS ME TO BE A LESBIAN, or at the very least, bisexual! Really!
I have the proof. Want to see it? (Sorry Kristin. You’re implicated in this, even if it’s not by your own doing.)
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OMG! They want me to eat her! This raises all sorts of questions. First and foremost, should I consider it? Secondly, what will my husband think? Thirdly, what would HER husband think? And what about mutual friends or other family members? What if we meet face to face and she doesn’t find me all that attractive? Or vice-versa? Have any of you out there gotten invites to eat ME? Will it matter that I’ve never done this sort of thing before? Will she be forgiving if I make mistakes and am not very good at it? Will she return the favor? Will others be watching? Will there be video? Will it wind up on YouTube? I mean, this is a whole new type of “social networking” don’t you think?
Between that and Meagan and Donna constantly accusing me of being stupid (so says a popular social networking site that begins with the letter F) and mystery people on my friends list who HATE me (so I’ve been told by, you guessed it, FB) I’m just not so sure that site is for me. Then again, perhaps it’s right up my alley.
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2 comments:
I did a totally statistically unreliable poll to find out that 100% of all guys and 85.7% of all women would not only like the idea of you eating your friend, but that it would turn them on.
I like your BC/PJ idea and still want to know when the hell rabbits started laying eggs for Easter.
I'm not so sure rabbits lay the eggs. I think they more or less poop them out. So says my 5 year old. :)
I love your poll. I suspected as much and am going to move forward in hooking up with Kristin.
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