I knew it was bad. A frantic cry like that generally signals a minor catastrophe. What would it be this time? He "accidentally" spilled an entire pitcher of water on the bathroom floor?
Oh! I know! He was trying to pour a glass of milk by himself and spilled the entire gallon all over the kitchen floor!
No, wait! It's coming from the back end of his house. He was jumping on the bed and hit the shelf with his head and was holding it against the wall until I got there. That had to be it.
"MOOOOOOOOOOOOMMY!!!!"
It was coming from the bathroom. I never heard the bathtub water running, so it can't be choice A. This is when panic really sets in. Did he use too much toilet paper? Did it clog up the toilet? Is there toilet water all over my bathroom? Oh my god! Am I out of bleach? What will I clean it up with? Where is my mop? Should I grab the rubber gloves? How will I get TO the toilet? I can't step in the dirty toilet water mess...
"MOOOOOOOOOOMMY!!! HURRY!"
I opened the door with much trepidation. All moms know this feeling. It's both curiosity and dread. It lasts only for a split second. It begins the moment you put your hand on that door knob and ends when that quarter turn of the handle grants you entry into the "surprise zone." It is at the exact moment of entry that you know the appropriate reaction.
I liken that moment to Apollo 13, when they were unsure what would happen upon re-entry. Would they make it? Would they be incinerated? Would Tom Hanks, Kevin Bacon and Bill Paxton live to act another day? All these questions and more will be answered...
...as soon as you open the door.
There sat Josh, on the throne. His t-shirt crumbled up in a ball, thrown in the corner. A quick survey of the area tells me there's no water, no overflow. Josh does not look panicked. He is actually grinning like the Cheshire Cat. "It was just like a gun!"
"What are you talking about?"
"My butt! It was just like a gun! And it shot out little cannon balls! THEY WERE MADE OF POOP!"
This is where he got off of the toilet and pointed inside. "Look! They're like little cannon balls and my butt shot them out! Do you see them? DO YOU SEE MY LITTLE CANNON BALL SHAPED POOP?"
I did see them. Perfect poop nuggets.
**Not my kid's actual poo
I'm so proud. So very proud.
Helpful links:
Go here to get the scoop on poop.
Here's where you go for info on farts including a list of which animals don't fart. No, really.
Happy reading!
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10 comments:
You are so very wrong. You better hope the internet has self destructed before your kid gets old enough to read this shit. For serious, Mom.
Dude, I was all holding my breath and everything. Thinking "Oh no"... geez I'm light headed now.
Isaac made the toilet overflow. Thank God his poop and tissue paper were stuck down in the pipe. It was still gross tho. About 2 gallons of water came pouring out.
Oh, come on LD. He'll LOVE these stories. Besides, I'll likely keep the collection and have it bound in a nice leather-covered tome and give it to him when he graduates from High School.
Oh, Meeks. Isn't it amazing how much damage their tiny little butts can do?
HAHAHAHA
I have never done that before. Makes me feel like I fail at poop.
which is kind of a sad thing to fail at...
HA HA HA HA! too early to say anything..can only laugh :)
LMAO, the adventures of raising boys...WOOT!
Wait until he has the 'why does my peeper stick up like that' conversation.
I know that'll be blog worthy! =)
XO
ROFLMAO
I definitely think you should save these blogs for him and present them to him at just the right time. If he has you sense of humor, he will love it.
Why doesn't my picture show???? I want my picture to show. *stomps off*
He is definitely your child.
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