Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Pain is temporary

“Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever.” --Lance Armstong

Sunday was a regular day for me. Mostly. I got up, did my usual Sunday morning chores, and decided to climb up on the roof.

Why oh why would I climb up on the roof? Well, I had to get the pine needles and miscellaneous tree shit off of my roof and out of my gutters. That shit doesn’t just dissipate on its own, no matter how hard you wish for it to.

Anyway, beautiful day, I felt productive and alive. There is nothing quite like sitting on the roof of a house to me. It’s very liberating. Possibly because no one can get to me up there. Who knows.

Later that evening it was time for my shot. You may recall I’ve come to really hate the shots because of the raised welts they’ve been leaving on my stomach and hips as of late.

But, the greater good. Means to an end. All that bullshit. You know. Anyway…

Did the shot (left side hip if you’re wondering) and headed to bed.

NOW, one of the most important things about the shot I do is the side effects. They can include “fever, chills, flu-like symptoms”. In general, if I do it before I go to bed, I sleep through the crap.

For some odd reason, I woke up around 1 am to pee. I got to the bathroom and the chills started. We’re talking muscle tensing, teeth chattering, uncontrollable chills. I high-tail it back to bed, snuggle under the covers and try to control my movement and breathing. No such luck. Teeth chattering more. I sneak my arm out of the side of the bed and reach my sweat pants and socks, manage to put them on under the covers, and I’m still freezing with massive chills.

When you have the chills, you know how your muscles tend to tense up, and the shaking doesn’t stop, and you just can’t seem to get warm? That’s what I had going on. All I could think about was if I could just get something with long sleeves on, I might warm up enough to stop it. Problem. I’d have to get out of bed** and I’m already warmer than I was 10 minutes ago. And so, I do what any self-respecting person would do. I pulled my arms inside my shirt and hugged myself. Still shivering, still miserable, but one step closer to warm.

An hour in, my neck and shoulders start aching like nobody’s business. I can’t even describe how it felt. It was the worst muscular pain I have ever felt. 30 minutes later, my back and legs start to hurt the same way. 30 minutes later, my arms are hurting. For those of you keeping score, at this point it is now 3:00 AM and I’m still chattering and tensing and, shaking.

Around 4 AM, sleep finally found me. When the alarm went off at 5:45, I tried to lean over to turn it off, but my arms were tangled up in my shirt. My boobs were free, and I was covered in sweat.

I tried to get out of bed and the pain that shot through my body was horrendous. I wanted to just hide under the covers. I managed to get up – at about 6:40. Nearly an hour later. I got Josh up, got him ready and took him to Kathy’s. I called in sick and returned to bed. I slept until 1:00 PM.

This morning, I got up and while it only took me until 6:30 to get out of bed, the pain isn’t nearly as bad. However, I’m due to take another shot tonight and I just don’t think I can do it.

Generally, when I get a little bit of pain, some yoga or some exercise fixes the problem. But what am I supposed to do when just doing those things makes the pain so strong that I actually cry?

Chin up, chest out. This too shall pass.

Here’s what’s important. I don’t want your sympathy. I don’t tell you because I want you to feel bad for me. I don’t want a “poor Kim” or “wish there were something I could do”. Know why? Because there is nothing anyone can do, and I’m not poor. I have the greatest family in the world, including a great 5 year old boy who helped mom put on her shoes this morning.

So then why tell you all? Because. I want people to see that you don’t have to give up. As shitty as it can be at times, it’s all temporary. You have two choices. You can sit back and let it win, be horribly miserable and waste your life away wishing it could be better. OR you can view it as a set back, even if it’s the most scary one ever. You can learn from it, make changes to try and avoid the same situation in the future and just be grateful for the good things in your life. I have a family that needs me just as much as I need them. I’ll be damned if something like this is going to get in my way.

Here’s to a better tomorrow. And a better day after that, and day after that. I’ll be changing my shots to a 7-day a week variety without so many side effects.

Jerry has his second surgery (and hopefully the last) tomorrow to put the battery pack inside of his body so he won’t have wires sticking out. If you’re wondering how that’s all working – he’s been able to reduce his pain meds by 50% and they say it should get even better with time. There have been some small issues with the device and the feeling it evokes, but we’re working on those.

I’ll end this the way I started it. Because it’s an incredible statement from an incredible athlete.

“Pain is temporary.

It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place.

If I quit, however, it lasts forever.”

I refuse to quit.

**Many people are probably wondering where Jerry is. Jerry has found that it’s actually more comfortable for him to sleep on the couch. And so, he was asleep – on the couch. Where all good husbands belong.

Ask me if you want to donate to my MS Challenge Walk Team.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

You want fries with that?

Josh LOVES to order his own food. So why is it when he smiles at the waitress and orders his own food do they NOT believe that he knows what he wants? Why do they always try and “fix” what he orders?

We went out to lunch today. When the waitress came over, Josh said, “I’d like a hot dog, with stripes, but no bun. I would also like applesauce. And to drink? Mom? May I have a Diet Coke?”

“You may.”

He smiles at the waitress and says, “and a Diet Coke. My mom wants one of those too.”

Now, this is the point where she should turn to ME and ask me what I would like. But no. Not Angela. She can’t be expected to leave well enough alone. “Wouldn’t you rather have fries with your hot dog?”

“No, Angela, he wouldn’t. He would like the apple sauce.”
“And milk to drink for him?”

“Um, no. He asked for my permission in front of you, got it and ordered Diet Coke.”

So, Angela goes away to submit our order. We’re busy planning our ice cream sundae desserts. Here comes our food.

Hot dog, on a bun. Strike one. And a big freakin’ plate of fries.

Josh looks at her and says, “But I wanted applesauce, not fries. Mom, I wanted apple sauce. Why can’t I have apple sauce? Are they out of apple sauce?”

Angela rolled her eyes.

Now, the angry, bitter bitch in me wanted to stand up, put my hands around Angela’s throat and choke the shit out of her. Let her know that this is MY child she is rolling her eyes at. My child who very clearly ordered a mother fuckin’ hot dog with NO BUN, and APPLE SAUCE. How dare she roll her eyes at my kid questioning her ability to do her job.

The mom in me, wanted my kid to have what he ordered, what he wanted. I smiled, and was about to open my mouth when Josh decided that he could handle this one on his own.

“Excuse me. I would like my apple sauce. When you go get it, take this bun with you, because I really didn’t want it.” And with that, he picked up his hot dog and set it on the plate. He picked up the bun, and held it in between his forefinger and thumb and presented it to her. She stared at him, he gave it a shake. She continued to stare. He dropped the bun on the floor.

The mom in me wanted to correct him, make him pick it up and apologize to her. The angry, bitter bitch in me thought the douchebag could pick it up her own damn self, when she brings back the applesauce. I just said half-heartedly, “Josh. You don’t drop food on the floor. Do you think you want M&M’s on your sundae or are you going for chocolate sauce as your third topping?”

In the end, the little slutbag tried to charge us for the fries she brought in error by adding “extra side” to our bill. I very kindly asked her to take the “extra side” off of the bill. She suggested that she saw my child eating a french fry and so, we would need to pay for it. I let her know that if she was concerned about people eating the erroneous fries, then perhaps the shouldn’t have sat on our table for the entire meal. I then suggested that I would happily pay the money for the fries, but that would mean that she would not receive much of a tip. You see, I know that when Josh and I go to Friendly’s for lunch, a $20 covers our meal and the tip. Knowing this, I had – you guessed it - a $20.

She didn’t make a move. I called her bluff. I left the bill as is, tucked the $20 inside and figured she could figure it out all on her own. She either has a $1.12 tip or she took off the charge for the fries and got her 20%. I don’t really give a shit either way. I know what lunch and a 20% tip our $16 bill is easily covered by a $20. Sure, I had some singles in my purse, but it’ll be a cold day in hell before the 19-year-old rude ass bitch gets any more out of me.

I was so irritated with Angela, that I was able to totally ignore the annoying 12-year-old girl having lunch with either a distant family member or a family friend, who spoke in run on sentences with that “I’m ALMOST a teenager” air about her. I got to hear all about how this year, she would be a Timberwolf AND a Star. Because she would cheer for her school as well as a local competition squad. You know, she just couldn’t understand why her mom would be irritated at the cost of the uniforms. It’s not like my dad doesn’t make enough money. And they pay for Alan to play ball in the spring and take karate in the fall. And they just got a new dog, but she doesn’t think she should have to ever walk the dog. I mean why would you get a dog if you were just going to make your children take care of it? She didn’t even want a dog. If she had chosen a dog it wouldn’t be one that looked like “a rat.” She would have gotten a big dog. One that would say that their family was important and could handle a big dog. OH JUST FUCKING SHOOT ME.

On the ride home, Josh informed me that his imaginary friend, Harold, doesn’t have clothes. He’s always naked. It’s ok though because he’s just imaginary and no one can see him, so he doesn’t have to wear clothes. I told Josh that was a pretty sweet deal – if no one could see me, I likely wouldn’t wear clothes either. That shut him up.

I wonder if the bun is still on the floor.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

For the birds

Last night, I bought a new frying pan. Just your plain old 12-inch, extra deep variety.

Mmmmm…12 inches and deep. Wait...what?

Anyhow, not wanting to ruin yet another new frying pan, I figure I’d read to see if this one needed to be treated at all before its first use.

Grease with oil. Check!
Do not overheat. Check!
Do not use abrasive cleaning products. Check!
No sharp or pointed utensils. Check!
Do not chop or use beaters inside the pan. Check!
CAUTION: For safety, please keep pet birds out of the kitchen. Ch…uh…what the fuck?

I’m a big believer that there are scenarios so wild and “out there”, that warnings such as this need to be present on consumer items.

I allowed my imagination to take over on this one, and came up with the only logical explanation for this warning.

Let’s say you’re cooking something spectacular like, uh, chicken breast in white wine with mushrooms and wild rice.

So you have it all in your extra deep 12-inch chef’s pan. You take off the lid to stir it. You realize you forgot to add a little bit of garlic. You sprinkle in some garlic, stir it up, and your kid calls you. It sounds important, so you go to your child, knowing your food won’t burn in the minute it’ll take you to duct tape your kid to the wall. I mean see what’s wrong with him/her.

You return, realize that your food should be covered to cook evenly, put the lid on, turn it down to a low simmer and continue on about your business while dinner cooks.

When the timer goes off, you return to give your dish one last stir and take the lid off so the sauce can thicken. It is only then that you notice Petey the Parakeet.

Apparently, Petey liked the smell of the white wine and mushroom sauce and thought he’d take a taste. You didn’t notice Petey when you put the lid back on your food. Poor Petey. You always thought the end for Petey would be different...

You wrap him up and lay him in an empty egg carton, hiding it in the trash. Later, you’ll claim he must have flown out the door when you let the dogs out.

The question you ask yourself at this point? "Do I serve my family the chicken and rice anyhow? I put a lot of time and effort into making your family this delicious dinner, not to mention the cost of the ingredients. Plus, I'm not going to own up to cooking the damn bird, so how will I explain that we're not eating what I just made?"

Seriously though, that statement really was on my pan. It did go on to explain the bizzarre warning: "Birds’ respiratory systems are sensitive to many kinds of household fumes, including the fumes from extremely overheated non-stick pans.” Who knew? See? A PSA for the birds. I love animals, really.

Tomorrow, we’ll investigate why you should not dress penguins in tuxedos.

Monday, March 23, 2009

What does that say?

I was talking with my friend, and she’s looking into getting a tattoo. She’s decided on a Chinese symbol. Or maybe Japanese. I have a problem with this. Actually, I have several:

She is not Chinese (or Japanese)

She does not speak Chinese (or Japanese)

I do not think she owns a wok and if she does, she likely doesn’t know how to cook in it

So first of all, she has to take a leap of faith that she’s getting the symbol for what she actually wants. I mean, one tiny bar where it shouldn’t be and it goes from “Happy Life” to “I am a douchebag”.

If it’s Japanese, how can she be certain it’s not a code indicating that the attack on Pearl Harbor was awesome?

Do the symbols mean something different if looked at upside down or sideways? What about a mirror reflection? You just don’t know!

What if in Chinese it means “I love sex” and in Japanese it means “I love sex with mules”?

And what if in old age, a liverspot turns up near the tattoo, transforming it from meaning “powerful warrior” to “I shit in my pants”?

Now, she’ll have this tattoo and not a single person who doesn’t read the language will know what it says, and in all honesty, neither will she.

I know, I know, the tat is for her, not for other people. Whatever. People are still going to wonder.

My real problem is this:

If I’m getting a tattoo, it’s going to be of something that means something to me. The significance of the Chinese culture in my life ended when I found out that the “ancient Chinese secret” that Mr. Lee used to get shirts so clean was just regular old fucking laundry detergent. And to add insult to injury, it can’t even be used in a high efficiency front-loading washer

If I were Chinese, I’d be pissed that people were exploiting my culture and my language because it looked neat, or because they really dig moo shoo pork or Kabuto steak house.

I mean, you may as well get “DONDE ESTA LAS PUTAS” tattooed on your ass.

How about whatever the German words for “suck it, all of you” are? Someone hit "translate" for me and find out, would ya?

Here's what I want mine to say:

Use the image above it to translate.

Sunday, March 22, 2009

How to know when your kid is mad

My first clue that Josh is really mad at me is when he makes up a new name for me. Let me back up. First, if you don't know who the Backyardigans are, they are cartoon characters who have great adventures in their back yards. They know what an imagination is, and they use it. They look like this:

Back: Tasha, Uniqua
Center: Pablo
Front: Austin and Tyrone

So yesterday, Josh is out playing while I was picking up the dog crap. He loves to push the wheel barrow around and make "special deliveries".

It came time for me to head in to make dinner. He says, "Can I make deliveries in the front yard?"

"No, honey. You need to stay in the back yard. Mom's going to make dinner and I need to be able to see you through the windows on this side of the house."

"But mom! I'll just walk from the back, through the driveway, up the front walk and back again. I'll keep doing that so you always know where I am."

"No, I can't see you when you're doing that."

"But mo-oooom! I know! Today is opposite day. So when you say no, you mean yes."

As he stands on the gate and drapes his arm over it to unlatch it.

"Well then, you need to get your opposite butt in this house, because if you take one step outside of that gate, you're done outside."


"Backyard or inside, you pick!"


"I'm sorry. You have to play in the back yard. You are a Backyardigan."

"I'm not a Backyardigan!"

"Sure you are. You're a Backyardigan and you're going to play in the backyard...again..."

"Mom! I'm just going to make some special deliveries in the driveway..."

*I start singing the Backyardigans theme song*
"Your backyard friends, the Backyardigans..."


*still singing*
"We've got the whole wide world in our yard to explore..."


"Backyard or inside Josh. Make your choice and let's do it."

Now he is yelling...

"I am so mad at you! You have a new name! You are now 'opposite day ruiner' and THAT is what I'm going to call you!"

At this point, I don't know if I should laugh at the silly name or have a serious talk with him about yelling at his mom.

Instead, I went with this:

"OK Pablo. Get your penguin butt in the house. You are now an Insideagin."

"I am so mad at you!" He huffed as he stomped past me.

He got over it just as soon as I bent over to look at his toe that he stubbed, and ripped one. He's such a boy, laughing at farts and all.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee (Porn)

I think that I shall invent a new video game. I will call it…


Yes, I will design my game to work with the Wii. I will market it as the game for women. The goal of my game will be to get the “man” to have an orgasm.

Instead of a nun chuck attachment, it will have a dildo-like attachment. If you’ve ever played any of the games where you have to pump the controller to reload, you realize that this movement totally simulates that of a hand job, especially when you’re pumping it furiously in an attempt to fill up your water pistol in the carnival game before the person next to you does, with your tongue hanging out the side of your mouth.

Wii Porn will also make use of the Wii Fit Balance Board. Much like the hula-hoop game, the board will be able to detect a shift in your center of balance to determine if you’re moving your hips at the right angles for the most enjoyment, or if your tempo is conducive to him blowing his load. Just imagine a game where you can give virtual handjobs, blow jobs, and rock your hips rhythmically to make him shoot his Wii goo all up inside your Mii.

Of course, there would be player-controlled porn scenes at all the right moments, depending on how vigorously you were whackin’ it and whether or not your game ends prematurely because you weren't in synch with your "partner" and you bent his cock in half.

Of course, there would be increasing levels of difficulty. Like you’d start with an 18-year old virgin and work your way up to a porn star. Each man being increasingly more difficult to get off. You would have to get each off three different ways, hand job, blow job, and penetration. You would not get to conquer the next person until you’ve done your duty each way.

This game would work for up to 4 players, each with their own controllers. There would be a selection on the menu for “group play” or perhaps “orgy”.

As with all games, there would be an Easter Egg or secret bonus round. The bonus round, would be the player, as a woman, bringing a gay man to orgasm. I’ll even let you in on the non-published secret of that one. You do the hand job, or “shaking” motion with the controller and then, at the last moment, you sit down on the balance board, and bounce.


Come to think of it, that would work for any of the levels. Just saying. You guys are pretty easy.

Perhaps there would even be accessories for your Wii Porn controller. You know, like a piercing or a tattoo. Or even a controller condom so that you could actually insert it, and have it be sanitary.

Perhaps the controllers could come in different colors, different lengths, and different girths. You know, you but the one that suits you.

Now I realize this does nothing for straight men or lesbians. I’m sorry about that. I go with what I know. That’s just a fact of life. I’m 100% positive that this could be somehow adapted to pleasing a woman, although it would be a much more difficult game. *giggles*

I see a market for this. Hopefully it’s an untapped market. I’d tap that!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

So, tell me what you want, what you really, really want

“What do you want?”

Such an easy question, yet the answer is liquid. It changes moment to moment for most people.

“I want a new job.”
“I want a good relationship.”
“I want a blow job.”
“I want a hamburger.”
“I want new boobs.”
“I want a million dollars.”
“I want to have a threesome.”
“I want to win the lottery.”

I’ve been thinking much more deeply these last few weeks. I have finally found the answer to that elusive question of “What do I want?”

I just want to be certain of what I want. That’s all.

I don’t need to know what it is I want. I just need to know that it, in and of itself, is exactly what I want; the thing I’m yearning for and all that it brings. Just to know I’ve spent my time chasing something truly worthy of my effort would be the most incredible gift.

The ability to say, “I want steak” and not have second thoughts about “or do I want a fajita?”

The strength to say, “I want to be a stay at home mom” and not wonder if that is the right choice.

The courage to say, “I want to be more assertive in every aspect of my life” and never once be concerned with the “what if’s” that go along with that.

The sense of adventure to say, “I’d like to drive cross-country and stay with people I’ve met here and there” and not worry about what if they’re really not all there and they're waiting for me with giant torture devices and a secret underground sex room. Wait - why would that second part be bad?

The ability to say, “This is what I want”, then go out there and get it, never once second guessing myself or playing the devil’s advocate.

I just want to be sure.

What do YOU want?

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Rage On!

I have road rage. I admit it freely. I don't go off half-cocked and flip people off. I don't ride their asses. I don't cut them off or slam on my breaks when they’re a little too close for comfort. I don't play games with getting up next to them and revving my engine. Sorry, that's for 16 year olds and those people with those license plates I told you about yesterday.

What's that? You don't know what I'm talking about with the "yesterday" comment? Tough shit. I gave you the link. Follow it if you want to know.

No people, my road rage is totally, completely, utterly contained within my Dodge Grand Caravan. It consists of me yelling - at my windshield or at the side windows - a lot.

Now, when Joshy B is with me, I'm the epitome of coolness. I don't bat an eyelash. I say silly little things like, "Noooo, you go right ahead, because I wasn’t waiting here first!" OK, so my voice escalates when I say that and I actually yell the “WAITING HERE FIRST!” part.

This is what I deal with on a daily basis:

Right before I turn into the parking deck at work, I am on a one way street. There are 2 lanes. The far right lane is the lane I need to be in.

There are generally cars in the left lane, pretty far back with no opportunity to get over there should one need to. It's like this from the time I make my right hand turn onto this street. So I'm stuck with whatever is in front of me.

Most mornings, I'm greeted with a car stopped in the right lane, hazards flashing.

The skinny little man gets out of the passenger side and walks around to the driver's side. He opens the door for his fairly large wife. She gets out, they kiss goodbye. He gets into the driver's side, she saunters around to the passenger side, OPENS THE DOOR, and starts unloading her shit from the back seat to the curb.

It is usually at this point that I'm voraciously pointing out (and shouting complete with profanity) that they are doing this right in front of a sign that says "NO PARKING STANDING OR STOPPING". Apparently, this does not apply to this couple.

Next, she stands IN THE FUCKING ROAD waving to her husband as he signals like he's pulling out, and goes about his happy little way. She, on the other hand, is still blocking traffic, as she very slowly makes her way toward the curb. Just as she's about to put her foot up on the curb, she stops to see if Mr. Wonderful got stopped at the next light up. This generally brings a rousing chorus of "get out of the fucking road, you god-damned lazy ass bitch!"

I don't know if she can hear me, but I don't think so. She doesn't acknowledge me and finally gets out of my way.

The same thing happens when I leave for the day, except instead of the couple, it's a gaggle of kids at the community college doing a complete Chinese drill. What makes it so special is that they are Asian.

I usually get creative when I curse out offenders. Not being totally happy with referring to them as fucktards or asshats, I have to go one step further. I have to infer things about their sexual relationships, their mother and her sexual relationships and, on occasion, the likelihood that these two cross at some point.

I have anger issues, but I wouldn’t have to be so fucking angry if there weren’t so many asshole licking drivers around here. I hate you, you crotch-rotted bastards with your finger in your mom’s butthole. Move your shit out of my way. Period. The end.

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Adults just don't do that!

I realize this may offend some of you. And you know what? I'm ok with that. Mostly because over the last few months, no less than 5 people have told me that initially, I either scared them or seemed unapproachable. Someone once told me that your true self always shines through no matter how hard you try. Maybe this is a side of myself that I should embrace.


Still here?

Good. I have a proclamation and you don't want to miss it.

If you are over the age of 22 and straight, you should never have the letters Q and T together on a vanity plate. Ever.

You're too old to be a QT or a cutie for that matter. It's OK for gay men to have because the majority of them are QT's.

I tried to looking for an exception to this rule, and cannot come up with one. Nope, not a single one exists. Not even Quentin Tarantino - unless he's gay. In that case, he should QT it up, boi!

For other things adults should not ever do: GO HERE


Sunday, March 8, 2009

The End

I've struggled on an off for the past year and a half, alternating between loving to write and hating it.

I'm watching the slow death of MySpace, and wondering where all of those people are who pleaded, "Stay, don't go". They left, and if they didn't leave MySpace, they left MY space.

The problem is sex. They want it. I don't have it to give. There are only so many things I can write about sex before it becomes simple regurgitation of blogs past.

I write about my kid, my life, my dogs, my troubles and they go. No one wants the reality that is me. They want the happy, upbeat girl who used to write about taboo topics and got them to say things they never thought they would. I don't blame them. I want that too.

This is me. I have problems. I have a life. I've lost that part of me that was care-free and I'm not so sure it's coming back. I'm not so sure that it can.

Too much in my life has changed over the course of the last few months.

Too much has stayed the same when it really shouldn't.

Too much damage to that carefree, happy girl has been done.

I will close that chapter of my life at some point, when I'm sure I've garnered all I can from it.

Until then, I'll return to writing for me - what I want, when I want, if I want.

Right now, I just want peace. I want happiness. I want love. I'm not getting that here, I know I never really did. I got those things from real people. I'll just wait patiently until I can have them again.


Thursday, March 5, 2009

There's no I in TEAM

What do you get when you take 9 fabulous women, give them a common goal to attain and turn them loose? You get the greatest team that ever did an MS Challenge Walk!

It’s a lot of work. I don’t even know if I will be able to finish. But I have an amazing group of friends who are going to help me try.

Of my 8 teammates, I’ve only met three of them face-to-face. That leaves 5 women who I only know from the internet, and yet they’re dropping everything in their lives for a long weekend in September, boarding planes, driving long distances, to come together for a cause that I believe so strongly in.

Each of them have touched me in ways I can’t explain; some of them in ways I totally can explain, but that’s best left for a Penthouse Forum letter.

I wanted to share these amazing women with you, in their own words. Well, except for Patty, because she hasn’t answered my questions yet. I guess I’ll just make up some stuff for her.

Ready to meet my team?

KIM - Team Captain

Age: 38
Occupation: Medical Student Coordinator
State of Residence: Virginia
*Please note that I am the youngest. *giggles* Thank you.

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
When I was much younger (middle school maybe) I did the Walk for Mankind. I want to say that was like 15 or 20 miles, I don’t remember. I do know that we walked for an entire day.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think?
Josh knows I’m walking. At 5, he kind of gets it, but then again, he doesn’t really grasp it. He’s more concerned with why he won’t get to see me for a few days in September.

What do you do for fun?
Play with Josh. Play on the Wii. Do logic problems. I’m a pretty vanilla kind of girl.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
I chose to walk because I could donate a couple hundred dollars and that would be it. OR, I could walk, ask everyone I know to walk with me or donate and raise a few thousand. Plus, I want to do it before I’m not able to, just to push myself a little. Pushing yourself and finding out what you can accomplish is an amazing thing.


Age: 45
Occupation: Hooker, Office Staff
State of Residence: Illinois

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
The most physically taxing thing I've ever done is run about 8 miles in grueling heat. I was a runner (albeit a very slow one) then. Walking works better for me now.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it?
My two teenagers know I'm walking. Everytime I go for a training walk, I come home and let them know how far I went. I am greeted with high fives and proud-of-their-mama smiles. I've talked to them about the people we know with MS, so they understand the importance of this walk.

What do you do for fun?
Travel. Explore Chicago. Spend time with friends from here, there and everywhere.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
Choosing to walk with you was easy for me. It was geographically feasible, and after walking the 5K with you last year, I knew we'd have a lot of fun together. I was ready to take on a physical challenge and I knew that we would support each other in reaching this huge goal.


Occupation: Administrative Assistant/Part-time fitness instructor
State of Residence: Missouri

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
I've never done anything like this walk. Several years ago, I assisted in organizing a Workout for Hope in my town. Workout for Hope is a fundraising effort that uses fitness and fun to raise awareness and money for HIV/AIDS and cancer research for City of Hope. As for physically taxing events, a 3 day fitness conference is probably the most physical thing I've done in recent years. I'm a big advocate of health and fitness and I try to promote it in everyday life. I think this walk will test my mettle and challenge me in a new way.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it?
My kids, 15 and 11, know about the walk. I don't know if they fully understand how MS affects a person, but they understand that this is a good cause and that it's important to me.

What do you do for fun?
Reading, outdoor activities, hanging with my family, venturing out to discover new places. Now that I have the Wii Fit though, it's quickly becoming my new favorite "fun" thing.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
I’m walking because you threatened me with bodily harm... and because I love you. I want to see advancements in MS research and eventually a CURE. You have to dance at Joshy's wedding and chase grandbabies when you're old.

DEE - Team Kindness Coach (SPONSOR HER)

Age: 44
Occupation: Small Business Owner
State of Residence: Nebraska

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
No. My sister warned me that though I run, I might not be ready for a 50 mile walk. I still raise my eyebrows since I do almost 7 of something daily. I'm going to trust her on this and be prepared. Has anyone seen my friggin Ipod? *eyes boys with evil intent* I'm fairly physical, even if I am scared of heights, I do most things with intent.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it?
Those buggers know about this and will donate a few bucks themselves! Lord knows I drug in fund-raising forms to work forever when they needed it. Payback time!

What do you do for fun?
As much as I whine, the first and foremost thing I do for fun is have with my children. For fun that just involves me (and maybe another?) I rent a room, feed the dogs, lock the doors and leave my cell phone at home.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
Was it this email or another where I said I promised to dance with you at Josh's wedding? Count me in, love. I think I said I'd sit in the back with the outer out-laws. And honey, I'll find you at 70 on a front porch with children running everywhere. I'll also be the one to say, it's 5 o'clock somewhere and make you a spiked tea. *we can talk dirty about the men* Life is just beginning. Changing, yes, but still, just beginning.

MS. CARLA - Hospitality Coach (SPONSOR HER)

Age: 54
Occupation: Wedding Planner/Photographer
State of Residence: Georgia

Have you ever done anything like this walk before for any reason?

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it?
Yes - very excited for me!

What do you do for fun?
Elopement planning, photography and friends/family time.
Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
A very good friend thought it would be something I would truly enjoy and encouraged me wholeheartedly. I wanted to do something in a big way to help those less fortunate than me. Giving of myself and working hard to get to a goal is so self-satisfying.

JANET - Accomodations Coordinator (SPONSOR HER)

Age: 46
Occupation: Massage Therapist/Radiological Technologist State of Residence: New York

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
Yes, 3 day breast cancer walk in 2001. My aunt and sister are breast cancer survivors. I have done the Relay for Life walk the past two years. My father died of lung cancer in May 2008. My sister had a tumor taken from her back in 2008. I had basal cell carcinoma removed from my face in Aug 2008. Another sister had breast cancer in 2007. So I am very passionate about helping others.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it if they do?
Yes two girls, age 11 and 10. They know it is for a good cause. They have actually done the Relay for Life with me the past two years.

What do you do for fun?
Hang with friends. Boating in summer, skiing in winter. Travel.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
I chose to walk because when you actually KNOW someone who is suffering with the disease, it makes it much more personable. And though I have never met you face to face, I love you to death, Kim! My cousin suffers with MS as well.

JENILU - Team Logo Designer(SPONSOR HER)

Age: 40
Occupation: Marketing Director
State of Residence: Florida

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
No I've never done anything like this before. The most physically taxing thing I've done was give birth without an epidural. More recently was 42 flights (838 stairs) in under 13 minutes. Next year, it will be under 10!!

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it if they do?
My kids know I'm walking and Jenna (8) wants to come along. My son, Marty, wrote a "My Hero" project at school about mom and the charity work I do. He's pretty proud.

What do you do for fun?
Outdoor sports with the kids. Graphic design - sounds lame I know but I enjoy it! A TV nearby with a great Yankee game on is a plus!!!

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
You've inspired me to be a better person Kim, to not just donate to charities but to use my time to to create opportunities to inspire others to work for a cause. Participating in these events and having people thank ME for being there is incredible when they are doing so much more by walking, running, climbing, getting muddy. This is not only an opportunity to meet you and all 7 of the other ladies but to truly make a difference. It's also been a lesson for my children that there are more ways than just money to giving to others. This is the best lesson I've ever taught them and I have you to thank for inspiring me.

PATTY - Team Tour Guide (SPONSOR HER)

Age: 50
Occupation: Rock Band Groupie
State of Residence: Wisconsin

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
No, but I have participated in the sexual olympics yearly for the last 15 years. Talk about strenuous and the need to be a team player! I think I've got everyone licked. No pun intended.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it if they do?
They know, and they think it’s just another way for me to get into someone’s pants. You know how us nymphos are - anything for a lay!

What do you do for fun?
Sex, candy, ice cream and dodge ball.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
Because really, what else do I have to do? Plus, the opportunity to pal around with these chicks for an entire weekend is one that should never be passed up. I mean, who knows when something like this will occur again. Don’t YOU want to be part of it too?

JAN - Head Cheerleader (SPONSOR HER)

Age: 48
Occupation: Lactation Consultant/Birth Professional
State of Residence: Washington

Have you ever done anything like this walk before?
Yes, I have done quite a few (29) 60 mile Breast Cancer 3 Day walks.

Everyone here has kids - do they know you're walking? What do they think of it if they do?
My kids know about the walk. They have all participated in several fundraising events, including 5K MS challenges. Our family has participated in many events so it is a bit passé for them unfortunately, but never for me.

What do you do for fun?
Hang with friends and family, climb, travel anywhere. I climb mountains, parasail, kitesurf and accept just about any physical challenge or dare.

Why did you choose to walk instead of just donating money?
My best friend has MS and is in denial, doesn't even tell some of his peers. I hope to influence him to snap out of that and raise awareness, educate people and to raise $$$ for treatment, detection and a cure.


I’ve made it easy for you to sponsor any (or all if you’re feeling generous) of these women, except me. I've met my fundraising goal, so before I get anymore, I want to help each of them reach their mandatory goal of $1500.

ALSO, I really need your help. When I started this team, it was originally a small, goofy group that the name “LaDorkas” meant something to - sort of a private inside joke. It has since grown into something much more, and I’m looking for a new team name for us. Give me your suggestions, quick, before the trading cards go to print! Topps is really picky about last minute changes, and I'm certain that Upper Deck isn't too lenient either. We’ll vote on them next week.

If you'd care to join us on this walk, go read up on it, ask me questions, sign up, whatever.

Now, make it your point to tell each of these ladies how fabulous they are.

Me love you long time.

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Don't take it for granted

We’re ½ way through National Multiple Sclerosis Week. Friday is the day for the legs. So send me yours clad however you see fit.

Recently, I asked people to answer a few questions for me. I’m going to share their answers, give you some commentary and share my answers. You should feel free to answer them yourself if you haven’t already. It’s long, so read at your own pace, glance through, or whatever you would like. It always amazes me what people say when asked about their lives.


Hit the gym
Hang out with my family: Park, Museum, etc. It's all good!
Play Basketball
Have absolutely no schedule or agenda and completely improv my day.
Ride my bike or walk in the park with my two puppies
Taking B to his classes; swim and/or karate. I love watching him learn and grow and have fun doing it.
Sleep in late and chill out.
Relaxing with the kids
Sleep late, hit the gym and do family stuff
Sleep late, stay in my robe till noon and then find a run if it's decent outside. Well, unless there's a hottie in bed with me then the answer changes.
Lunch w/ friends
Absolutely nothing! (2 people)
Assist with wedding shoot
Wake up around 10AM and wonder what I have to do that day. But that's not my favorite part. My favorite part is saying to myself, "Not a damned thing I don't want to."
Lay in bed naked
Read and play on my laptop.
Anything I want! Saturday is awesome because I typically don’t have any obligations or responsibilities to tend to. I actually get to do whatever I feel like doing.
Sleeping in and hanging out with my family
Go for drinks after work
Go out to breakfast with my friends.
Have a real breakfast, not just coffee.
I love spending Saturdays shopping and visiting family.
Get up early and go to dance class. Come home and enjoy some quiet time before "they" wake up.
Have friend over and hang in the hot tub!
9AM water aerobics followed by a warm, sunny day of soccer.
Be with my friends
Play with the kiddos
Take a nap, read, and go out to eat and for drinks.
Do anything other than work, which is what I do every Saturday.
BBQ and hang with the ones I care about.
My favorite thing on Saturday is the ability to choose! It all starts with sleeping in, though.
Walk for more than 10 miles as fast as I can.
Walking my dogs.
Sleep late then walk to a Farmers Market

answer: Not having to get up and take Josh to daycare or go to work. I rarely do anything special on Saturdays, but the ability to just stay home and not HAVE to be anywhere is amazing to me.

I look at your comments, and I see that the vast majority of them involve walking, movement, and energy. This coming Saturday, do me a favor. Imagine what your Saturday would be like if you couldn’t do these things. Don’t take your ability to move for granted. Enjoy every moment, every movement. I know I do.


22 would give up hearing. 5 would give up touch. 4 would give up sight.

It would be difficult to live without any of these, but I guess the least suckiest would be hearing.

I couldn't stand losing the sense of touch or sight and I would really miss listening to music but could live without it if I had to.

Hearing, I guess. It would suck to not hear my girl's laugh anymore, but even worse to not see her grow up.

Hearing, definitely. I want to see the people I love, you can watch the world around you (and even TV/Movies) without sound and it barely limits your life. And I couldn't live without being able to FEEL the people I love; hugs, kisses, touches - they all can solve most any problem.

Hearing, because I don't always want to hear what people are saying anyway.

Hearing. I could learn to sign (Spooner, can you teach me?), but I couldn't live without sight or touch.

Hearing...I have way sensitive ears...quiet would be a welcome reprieve.

Hearing. Tough call, but I don't know how I could interact as well without sight and touch.

Hearing, but man, I would miss the sound of my son's laughter and music.

I'd opt for smell, but you didn't offer that option. Probably hearing, I would still hear music in my head. And, how do you masturbate without touch? :)

I don't like this question...but I will go with hearing.

These are shitty options Kim. Between the three I guess I would go with hearing loss but damn the silence would really fuck with me.

Touch- definitely. I can always imagine how something feels- I couldn't imagine my boys' faces or voices as they grow up.

Tough one...I would have to go with touch. I value my sight too much, and can't imagine not hearing my son's voice when he sings to me. I think I could live without the sensation of touch more so than the others. Even though my hearing isn't all that great to begin with, I want to hang onto what I have left of it.

A couple of you wouldn’t answer, and of those people this comment really got me: Couldn't see my babies, couldn't touch my babies, couldn't hear them laugh? I don't like that question. None please.

I’d give up hearing as well, if I could pick. It would mortify me to not be able to hear Josh laugh or tell me he loves me. I would hate not being able to hear the love in Jerry’s voice when he shares something with me.

The sad truth? The majority of patients with MS first go to the doctor with vision issues. I first went to the doctor because of touch issues. People with MS are more likely to lose their sight or their sense of touch than they are their hearing. True, any senses can be affected, but vision and touch seem to be the most common.

For those of you who wouldn’t pick in this hypothetical situation: sometimes in life we don’t get to choose either.


Making people laugh
Raising 3 (Plus1) amazing kids
My daughter
Changing patterns and witnessing my son enjoy his childhood.
Finally figuring out what makes me happy. Only took me 40 years!
Living my life the way I want to. (This encompasses everything from raising my lovely boys to loving the people I want to love to living outside of the lines, despite fear.)
Surviving for 33 years on my own.
Finally getting my career in order
Having 2 kids and raising them half their lives on my own.
Accomplishment, I have a happy and well mannered little girl.
Giving birth without medication
Have 3 healthy, happy kids.
Married 32 years to same man
Raising a caring, responsible child
The propagation of my genetic material.
Fully recovering from a mild form of brain impairment (in my 20's) from a car accident that almost sent me completely through the windshield. In the process, I had to engage other parts of my brain, and I discovered the body's power to overcome adversity and heal itself, if you choose to let it.
Raising mostly normal kids.
Being a good mother…but I’m not finished so I don’t know if that’s actually an accomplishment. Accomplishment sounds past tense. So far, though, it has been the most significant and worthy endeavor I have pursued.
I'm proud of my family/kids, but I like to think I can do something no one else has done or can do.
Besides my son, dealing with my MS and not returning to my very dark place.
Being content with who I am.
My greatest accomplishments will always be my three. They remain a work in progress though. *kinda like me*
Other than being a mom to 2 (occasionally) fabulous kids, I'm still waiting for it.
Finding the real me...the one that ran away scared when I was just a little girl. It took a long time, and a lot of work to bring her back so I could get rid of the facade.
Having a semi-normal life.
Raising two awesome kids by myself and through adversity
my children...having a loving relationship with them, and open enough they are not hesitant to be honest with me....that takes work and grit I tell ya.
My Children, DEFINITELY. They are absolutely the best decisions I have ever made
I think I will have to answer like almost everyone else, and say that it would be my kids.
Starting college with a 2 year old and 4 year old and finishing cum laude.
First Girl to play little league baseball
My two beautiful girls
My kids!!! They may drive me crazy but I wouldn't trade them for anything!

My answer: Throwing aside the whole my kid is great thing, I would have to go with managing to still be here, thinking positively (mostly) and my ability to use humor to make my life a little less stressful.

The rest of you? Bravo! You have all truly done some amazing things. Keep doing them. Love yourself and your ability to do all of these things!


Freedom to walk everywhere I have gone
Chasing after my kids
Playing basketball
Wrapping them around someone’s waist
Wrapping them around husband
Anything physical. I'm no good, sitting for hours.
Being Tall? Mmmmm, well, there are certain positions in sex that require legs.... and I'd miss walking in the mountains.
The simple ease of getting to the fridge and back on my own without a lot of drama
Sitting cross legged.
Wrapping them around someone. ;-)
Walking, that tense feeling in your thighs at certain times :)
walking...and maybe a few other extra curricular activities
Walking on my own
Being able to bend a girl over the dining room table and have my way with her.
Dude…I would miss rollerblading and hiking and jump roping but mostly I think I would just miss taking it all for granted.
Anything that requires using your legs. I just can't pick 1
I'd miss climbing. I love to climb- even at my age. :)
Running and Salsa dancing.
Grapevine-ham curl-chasse-mambo-pivot.
I love Virginia's answer for this, "mostly I think I would just miss taking it all for granted." I would miss the simplicity of getting from point A to point B by taking just a few steps.
Legs are good for escape when needed. I love them for that. Mine carry me on runs, walks and just sometimes out the front door for a few moments. I'd miss the transportation that often provides more sanity than wheels ever could. Being independent to go wherever I want, when I want
Dancing my drunk ass off.
Being entirely self-sufficient - I can't stand having to rely on other people for things.
I would miss walking...oh and wrapping them around someone (had to steal that one)
Wrapping them around someone.

My answer: Walking and any activity that requires walking. Think about that – you’ve all touched on them up there – going to the fridge, making your family food, going to the park with your kids or your dogs and walking or running. While what you listed is what you'd miss the most, you'd lose the ability to truly do ALL of those listed, and more.

I’m terrified of losing the use of my legs. While I try to stay positive and say “that won’t happen to me” the truth is I don’t know. However, I am stubborn and will not acknowledge the possibility outright.

Do me a favor? At some point in the next week, think about what YOU would miss the most and do it with passion, several times a week. At least.


See the pyramids, shop in Paris, do yoga in India, do a safari in Africa and have 6 months worth of personal training by a top Hollywood trainer.

Move to KW, win the lottery, visit Australia, parachute and swim with dolphins.

Travel to see the world, get my kids set for a good college education, deliver thousands of babies, design and build a house the way I want it, be healthy and fit with a pre-baby body to show for it.

Travel, be someone’s love slave, go on African safari, come home to clean house, win a body builder (fitness) tournament!

Visit Ireland, have a lesbian experience (seriously it's on there!), see my kids become productive, responsible members of society, travel the country and meet all my " internet friends" in person, become a psychologist.

Becoming a wedding planner/photographer, walk 50 miles in Wisconsin, travel to New Orleans. Own a beachfront cottage; be financially independent via lottery winnings.

Be debt free and financially independent. Raise and own a Great Dane. Perform an overwhelming kindness for a complete stranger. See my children as responsible self-sufficient adults. Donate an organ.

Take my daughter swimming with dolphins, Ecstasy in Amsterdam with the owner of my favorite toy, Watch my kids grow up to find their happy, successfully ditch corporate America, Find my creative medium.

I don’t know. I want to travel to a few foreign places and I want to find meaning and purpose, and I want to leave something behind, and I want to be able to go out without having any regrets or feeling like I didn’t have time to live. I want to live before I die.

(I'm not stating the obvious family/kids answer, we all want that) Help someone else accomplish a dream. Finally make perfect pasta from scratch. Hook up with an old grade school boyfriend who still gives me butterflies to this day, drive cross country and finally be able to let a few things go.

I don't have a bucket list.

Grow old enough to be a grandmother, swim without fear, backpack across Europe, skydive, and witness a miracle.

See mine grown with lives and children of their own. Find that acreage with a kindly man to sit and rock with me as we watched the corn grow for lack of anything better to do. Touch the lives of those I care for. Sleep more! (Had to add that one.)

Go to Australia. Have a granddaughter. (Gotta buy baby girl clothes for SOMEONE!) Have an honest-to-God library in my home. Teach my kids to live by the Golden Rule. Get all of my children through college and into careers that enable them to help others AND earn a decent living.

Stop being depressed, be able to do things I was good at, move to Delaware permanently, Backpack again in Europe, and learn to trust people again.

Have a meal on Antarctica, do a marathon on 6 other continents, celebrate a 50th wedding anniversary, learn sign language, do something (good) worthy of being on TV or a national newspaper.

Fall in love, Travel with my love, Watch my children become successful adults, have time to cook more/better, Have a 'traveling room' for visitors.

See both of my kids graduate from college, see the ..Great Barrier Reef, visit Pompeii, play with my grandkids, and finally be able to forgive.

Live in Arizona. Reach my health goals. Go snorkeling in Hawaii and see sea turtles and fishies. See my son become a happy grown man. The 5th bucket list item is to do as many things as time and money will allow me to do with my best friend Kim while she can...all the while hoping that she is granted some miracle to be able to continue to do them forever...and if not granted that wish in the future, doing as many things as time and money will allow that will help her find other ways to enjoy life....forever and ever.

Seeing Preston accomplish several goals as an adult, travel around Europe with Joe, drink beers in tiny pubs in Ireland, a Vegas trip with all my girlfriends, own a house with a pool and a few guest rooms, so my nieces, nephews and friends feel as if they're truly on vacation when visiting.

Go to NYC. Go to DC. Visit the Caribbean. Visit Europe. Meet KTPP in person.

Publish my book, skydive, travel around Europe, watch my boys become successful human beings - careers, love, kids, etc., and renew my vows with my hubby.

Go to Hawaii in March to see the whales, go to Egypt and go inside the pyramids, see all the Power Spots in the world in person, backpack and cycle across Europe, take my daughter to all 50 states one summer

Travel to Europe, publish a book, do a pin up photo shoot, play rob zombie cover songs in my band "roxy matress kittens", meet and hang with joaquin phoenix for a weekend.

My shrink asked me this last month and it made me cry. I seriously do not know. I know I want a house on a lake, and that's pretty much it. I just don't know

Drill wells for clean drinking water in Africa; Dive the Great Barrier Reef; Build a Habitat for Humanity House; Raise a lot more money for my charitable causes Enjoy my children and future grandchildren

Go to New Zealand/Australia; white water rafting; meet several people that I know only on my computer; live long enough to see my grandchildren grow up; take the couple classes to get my BS in Health Science

Visit South Africa, Live and work in London, Win the lottery, Be Published, Direct a B'way show. All do-able.

Traveling the country, going on a cruise, watching my children grow into productive adults, meeting my grandchildren, retire comfortably on the beach, change the way the Army treats the soldiers wife and improve what they consider is the standard for the quality of life, help find a cure for Cancer and MS...There is more but that is enough for the moment!

Be a Published Author without having to go the self-publishing route; live in England; see everything there is to see in Europe; Do a safari in Kenya and join a paleontological dig at Olduvai; be a good enough mom that my daughter only needs a few months of therapy when she grows up.

Of course I want live long enough to see my babies' babies. I want to travel the world, get a degree, become financially independent, learn to scuba dive and dive somewhere exotic, and learn a foreign language.

Visit Italy, Denmark & Belgium. See the Statue of Liberty. Be a grandma. Win an award. Write something substantial.

Go sky diving, be on Survivor, Travel across country, go to Australia, and run a marathon.

Go on a cruise, see my girls graduate college, be financially secure enough to enjoy retirement, lose 50 lbs., meet all of my MS friends

My bucket list:

Dance at Josh’s wedding (should he go that route). Do an MS walk in every state. Go to Ireland with Jerry. See the polar bears up in Canada at the big polar bear observatory. Be 100% at peace with who I am, mentally, physically, and health-wise.

I’m wishing for all of you to make your goals. There is no time like the present, so I hope you are working hard on at least one of these things. Life is short. We’re not getting any younger. What are you waiting for? Are you waiting until you're unable to do it so you can say, "I wish I had..."?

The only other thing I want to say is this: Look through these answers. Several people who answered have MS. They are just like you.

MS Challenge Walk, 2009
Team: LaDorkas
Team Fundraising Goal: $16,500
Current Total: $6190 (38%!!)

Ask me how to donate!

This blog is crap!