The End

I've struggled on an off for the past year and a half, alternating between loving to write and hating it.

I'm watching the slow death of MySpace, and wondering where all of those people are who pleaded, "Stay, don't go". They left, and if they didn't leave MySpace, they left MY space.

The problem is sex. They want it. I don't have it to give. There are only so many things I can write about sex before it becomes simple regurgitation of blogs past.

I write about my kid, my life, my dogs, my troubles and they go. No one wants the reality that is me. They want the happy, upbeat girl who used to write about taboo topics and got them to say things they never thought they would. I don't blame them. I want that too.

This is me. I have problems. I have a life. I've lost that part of me that was care-free and I'm not so sure it's coming back. I'm not so sure that it can.

Too much in my life has changed over the course of the last few months.

Too much has stayed the same when it really shouldn't.

Too much damage to that carefree, happy girl has been done.

I will close that chapter of my life at some point, when I'm sure I've garnered all I can from it.

Until then, I'll return to writing for me - what I want, when I want, if I want.

Right now, I just want peace. I want happiness. I want love. I'm not getting that here, I know I never really did. I got those things from real people. I'll just wait patiently until I can have them again.

XOXO