Mother's Day, 2009

It started like every other day. At the crack of dawn, with the birds singing, and a little hint of light pushing its way through the blinds. The bedroom door creaks open, ever so slowly. The wiener stirs a bit, emits a low growl. A quick thump on the bed with the heel of my foot stops her instantly. And that is where the normalcy ends.

In a flash, the door slams shut, as I feel 47 pounds of pure boy-child bounding onto the bed, yanking the covers to get under. He snuggles up next to me, sharing my pillow and in his not-as-of-yet-volume-regulated-loud-ass voice says to me, “It’s time for your Mother’s Day snuggles!”

We get up together, Daddy still asleep on the couch having once again fallen asleep there (and no, I don’t make him sleep there. We just don’t always keep the same hours and he tends to nod off into a deep sleep while watching some incredibly boring show such as, “How to build a bridge out of tinker toys that will withstand a herd of Clydesdales.” So fascinating that within moments, everything (dogs included) that is within earshot of the show is enjoying a deep, deep slumber.

But I digress…

We go on about our normal morning with Josh stopping to give me “Mother’s Day hugs” along the way. After Jerry gets up, Josh proudly presents me with a new flag/banner pole set, complete with an American flag. How did he know it was exactly what I wanted? I truly am a lucky mom.

After more MD hugs and kisses, we were off! Over the river and through the woods. You got it, to grandmother’s house we went!

While there, we planted the flowers we bought her. Some of them along her walkway and others in a pretty cement “basket” that made it to West Point from Paris. Paris, TN that is.

The rest of the day, I spent with Josh and my niece Briar, playing on the swings, the trampoline, eating grape popsicles, and getting deer ticks. What fun!

Josh, as usual, stole the day with one statement. One statement alone will live in infamy. It will always set this Mother’s Day apart from every other one.

He was sitting on the swing, trying in vain to make it go. He looked up at the adults sitting at the picnic table and uttered the following statement:

Are you ready for it?

Are you sitting?

Are you in a place where if you burst out laughing, no one will care?

OK then, in the infamous words of Charlie (inside joke with Meagan) HERE IT COMES!

“Can somebody get me high?”

Hope your weekend was marvelous. Here are snippets of mine.

XOXO

Kindergarten registration day

Joshy B had his kindergarten registration yesterday. HOORAY! Look how excited he is - playing his Gameboy on the way to school. Just like a real school kid would.

The school he’s going to gives the Brigance K-1 Screen to all incoming students to help identify those with learning disabilities, and to help place kids in the best environment.

Josh was so excited to go to school finally! He had no problem walking off hand in hand with a pretty little teacher to do the test. They came back about 15 minutes later so the teacher could tell me how he did on the test.

He did really well, but he got a couple of things wrong that he absolutely knows (where your shoulders, elbows, heels and ankles are). I proved his knowledge of putting my hand on his shoulder and, as if on cue, he yelled "don't grab my shoulder!" Or maybe it was his elbow. *shrug* Like mother, like son.

He did, however get perfect scores on the printing your full name, knowing your phone number, address, birth date, counting, letter recognition, tracing shapes, motor skills, blah blah blah.

I was very proud and then she said, “He had an issue with the color recognition.” What? Huh? Josh has known his colors for a few years now. Even pink, gray and magenta. WTF?

“He missed blue," she said.

“Blue?” I said, totally incredulous of the situation.

“Yes, blue. I tried to get him to say it numerous times, but he just wouldn’t do it.”

“What did he think blue was?” I asked her, trying not to sound defensive.

“Dark purple.”

Now, as Josh’s mother, this all made complete sense to me. I know the exact shade of blue the object must have been. It had to be indigo. We have a few things in our house that Josh insists are not blue, but dark purple. He’s absolutely right. I think he's a genius.

Apparently, the teacher said to him, “What might someone else call this color?” in a desperate attempt to get him to say blue. My child, the fruit of my loins, has my sharp wit, sense of humor and intolerance for ignorance. He says to her, “Well, it doesn’t matter. Because if they said it was anything but dark purple, they’d be wrong.” My son, the non-conformist. I'm so proud. Hand me a tissue.

He was sad that he didn’t get to stay for recess. I informed him that his whole life, until September, was recess.

Not to be outdone by his own brilliance, later in the evening, he got me good. We were driving to his gym class and were running a little behind. He announces that he has to poop. Like NOW. So, I pull over at a gas station, get him in the bathroom and nothing. Already late, I hurried him back into the car and set out on the way to class.

I was a little irritated and was talking to him about how it was ok that he didn’t have to go, but he should have told me before I cut across traffic, blah blah blah. We stopped at the red light and I was about to talk about wasting people's time when Josh said, “Look Mom…”

In my head, I just couldn't believe that this child was actually going to try and placate me. You know, something like, "Look Mom, I had to hold it for too long and the urge went away." I cut him off with a stern, “Don’t ‘look Mom’ me!”

I glanced back in my rear view mirror. He had a grin on his face as he calmly repeated, “Look Mom, there’s the money you could be saving with Geico.”

I looked up and sure enough: