Open Letter to Frederick's of Hollywood

Dear Frederick’s of Hollywood:

I’m writing to you to express my displeasure at the apparent discontinuation of your line of bras known as “Liquid Dream”.

I was first introduced to the Liquid Dream collection back in 2005 (roughly). I was in need of a good bra to help me fill out the top portion of a dress. I thought I would give it a try. Sure, I was nervous about a water bra. I mean who doesn’t live in fear of springing a leak at a very inopportune moment? I’ll tell you who – chicks with gigantic tatas. But that’s neither here nor there. I was a nervous wreck, but once I got the bra in my hot little hands, (or more correctly, once I got my girls all tucked inside) I was hooked.

It wasn’t filled with water at all, but rather a smooth gel that seemed to warm to my body temperature. This was especially helpful in the winter when the lower temperatures normally causes my nipples to harden and rub against other bras, often chaffing their little sensitive bits. No one really likes to have their nips rubbed raw because their titty erection just won’t go away. Explaining that one to the doctors is never pleasant. What? Who among us has never presented an injured nipple to a doctor? Does it really matter HOW it got injured? By the way - for the chaffing, try udder cream.

I ordered several different styles of this bra and for the first time felt like a woman with a nice set of knockers! It was very liberating. It was like having boobies that I could stick in my drawer when they weren’t convenient (like when exercising or horse back riding.)

The aqua colored bra lasted quite a long time, but has become stretched out and not nearly as comfortable as it used to be. Often times, the left breast looks saggy, and that’s not even my good-sized side! I’m certain part of the problem is that I often take off my bra while sitting on my couch. You know the drill…unhook the bra, reach up through your sleeve, take off one side, then the other and voilla! You’ve managed to get off the tit bondage contraption without flashing any innocent bystanders, such as your children or your Mother-in-law.

The pretty pink embroidered number lost one of the underwires not long ago. I remember it well. I was sitting at work wondering WTF was poking me in my well-displayed cleavage. I looked down and there it was. I didn’t even know this bra had underwire until that very day!

The sand colored one? Well that one is just a lost cause, as it has accidentally gone through the dryer on more than one occasion. The gel packet inside the right cup is all bunched together (I do believe it has melted) and when I wear it, my titties look very lumpy. It’s a no go.

So it came time for me to order a new bra or two and I go to your website to find that you no longer carry the Liquid Dream line. You do have a new line called “Liquid Lift Bra”. I’m not entirely sure that this isn’t just the “Liquid Dream” collection with a higher price tag.

I am concerned about the new moniker, however. “Liquid Dream” was perfect because it was always my dream to have luscious sweater puppies. “Liquid Lift” implies that I have something there that just needs to be lifted up. What do you think you can lift? Sure, maybe the right side will give you something to work with, but unless you’re lifting other parts of my body that have extra fat (read: everywhere below the rib cage) then really, there’s nothing to lift.

I will order one of your Liquid Lift bras, but if my tits don’t look $11 worth better than they did when I bought the Liquid Dream bras, your ass had better be giving me some type of compensation. I cannot have gaps in my shirt where my hooters should be. I cannot have uneven breasts, unless I’m naked. I’m hopeful, yet guardedly so.

Thank you for your time.

Very Sincerely (and hopefully soon to be very busty again),

Kim