Good Friday - a good night for dying!

Dear Paper Magic Group, Inc. :

I am writing to you about your “Marvel Superhero Easter Egg Coloring Kit”.

First, I was extremely pleased with the content of your kit. While a bit overpriced at $2.99, I was willing to pay an extra dollar to have the Incredible Hulk, Iron Man, Wolverine, Captain America, and a bunch of other freaks I don’t know stuck all over my Easter Eggs. However, you may, in the future, want to go ahead and throw in the white crayon. Don’t be stingy. I mean, Paas includes one in their kits and I could have gotten that one for .99. I chose yours though. Send me my fucking crayon please.

The first thing we tried were the egg wrappers. I could not even get those fuckers on ½ of my eggs. While I know that irregular shaped eggs are not your fault, I do expect that when you suggest using “Large Eggs for best fit” that any of the eggs I try to slip that wrapper around from the “Grade A Large Egg” carton should actually go into the damn thing. 20 minutes later, one egg down, I opted to find the smaller looking eggs in the carton. The other two were a much better fit – initially.

Now when you say submerge the egg with wrapper in hot water and wait, you really need to figure that people actually read your directions and follow them. Hot water did nothing to shrink the wrappers. I had to boil water to shrink wrap those little bitches. You should have just warned me up front by stating in the directions to use boiling, not hot, water. It would have saved me 30 minutes.

I pulled the first egg out, lovely. Perfect. That was the wrapper that took me 20 minutes to get around the egg. The other two look like complete shit and it’s obvious that the eggs that slid right in were too small because the shit doesn’t shrink THAT much. Those eggs now have ruffly-bottomed Iron Man and Hulk. But hey, I’m not picky.

So now, an hour and a half since starting my prep work, it’s time to start dying the rest of the eggs! The colors were mixed and the mugs o’ color carried to the table where a gorgeous 5 year old boy waited anxiously to “kill my eggs!” (Dye, to a 5 year old is the same as DIE which is the same as KILL).

The little egg wand thingie you include to hold the egg in the dye sucks major dick. It was nearly impossible to bend and only after 10 minutes with a lighter to heat it up to make it more pliable (a blow torch was not accessible this evening) was I able to bend it enough to make it resemble an egg dipper. We used it as a monocle and talked with British accents though. I may save it and be Mr. Peanut for Halloween next year.

The colors were all so vibrant (I used the optional vinegar in all but the pink, as directed). We were very pleased with the shades of blue, green, orange and yellow. Those eggs turned out fabulously with rich, deep color, just right for sticking Wolverine stickers on. He looks FABULOUS on green, especially when you used a light wash technique as opposed to soaking your egg in the cup.


The pink dye, however, is another story. We wound up not having any eggs dyed pink, although I’m sure if we had, they too would be gorgeous. Apparently, your recipe doesn’t make enough dye to color my floor, my son’s t-shirt, his jeans, his tennis shoes, the kitchen table, the 6 hand towels used to clean up the spill and my once beige cushioned dining room chair. I should mention that this was a mom accident, not a kid accident. I own my mistakes.

I was able to get the stain out of the floor & shoes thanks to Mr. Clean Magic Eraser. The clothes and towels seemed to respond well to a quick soak in hot water, a squirt of Shout and an immediate wash in Tide.

The chair has yet to respond to Shout. Or Tide. Or Woolite High Traffic Carpet and Upholstery Cleaner. And so, it is with humility and defeat that I welcome you, Paper Magic Group, Inc. as a permanent fixture into my home.

Sincerely,

Kim B

PS: I stuck the Storm sticker on my Easter Egg (the one that says MOM – or at least it was supposed to. I used a shitty Friendly’s crayon to write my name on it and the wax didn’t stick as well as it should have.)